Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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