HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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