i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think i have herpe
just one?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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