so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
