I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
