Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
