yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
