singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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