p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
