He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
