somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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