Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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