It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
