just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
