3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
