What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
