last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
