do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
