I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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