my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
