im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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