if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
