a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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