i need an iv and a liver transplant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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