You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
