He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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