Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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