I am puke
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
