my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
