My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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