I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
