Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
