so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
