I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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