I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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