dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
