this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
