Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
