It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
