Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
