I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
