In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
