I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
