My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
