Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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