1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
