Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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