I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
