First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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