hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
