i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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